It’s enough.

For some reason in the back of my mind, completing 3 miles marks the bare minimum of a run for me. I don’t know why and where it came from but I can never just run 1 mile or 2 miles, it HAS to be 3 or 3.11+.

Today, I started my run around 9:56pm, yes it’s late for a run but I made a commitment to myself and I didn’t want to let myself, my body, or my mind down. So I walked out the door and ran knowing that this worries my mother, knowing that it could be unsafe, knowing that I really needed that run.

I made a mental note to get back home by 10:30. 

I ran one lap around my neighborhood barely clocking in one mile. I passed my house and continued running while taking a glimpse at my watch. 

10:08. Keep going.

I ran until the other end of my neighborhood finishing mile 2. Glance at my watch and see 10:20. I started to contemplate, should I try to attempt to another mile knowing full well that if I do, I’ll be done after 10:30. 

Decide, Asmaa, what are you going to do. Make a decision. You need to do 3 miles.

Then a voice came into my head, no you don’t.

I sped up mentally making the decision to stop when I reach my house. 

The Runkeeper lady says “workout stopped. 2.42 miles”

I walk into my house feeling an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. I didn’t let myself down, I fulfilled my commitment and it’s 10:28pm.

It finally settled in my mind, that a run is a run. Even if it’s 5 minutes, it’s enough. At least you gave your body what it needed and what it could handle today. And maybe tomorrow it’ll be able to handle more, maybe not. Whatever happens, it’ll be enough.

Reflections and Re-commitment

Finally started running again after a long hiatus. It took a few runs to finally feel like myself again. On my run today, when I first started, I felt a little bit of my asthma trying to slow me down, but after breathing through it and not giving up, I was so relieved that I was able to follow through. It made me reflect on how far my body has changed, I remember not being able to handle running for more than 2 minutes as a child, and literally being taken to the hospital to get oxygen, on more than one occasion.

At the beginning of this year, I made a goal to run 500 miles, and i’m embarrassed to even say what my mileage is at right now. Suffice it to say, I haven’t been running as much as I wanted to. I’ve been really disappointed in myself. I’ve been making a lot of excuses for myself this past year, and I think I just had enough. While on my run today, I made a mental re-commitment to make running part of my weekly routine. I’m not going to try to reach my 500 mile goal, i’m not going to sign up for another race, i’m NOT gonna slack anymore. I am simply re-committing to running at least 2 times a week, and will take things slowly and see where it leads me.

-A

Oh I forgot to mention that I finally received my sukoon active top and hijab (see pic!). I have to say the material is super comfortable and breathable. The top is the perfect length. I’m not a huge fan of the hijab because I haven’t quite figured out how to tie it, and i’m constantly worried that my hair will fall out, so the verdict is still out on that one..

Song of the Week: Havana by Camila Cabello

Choose Courage

I started training for my 5th half marathon last week. It’s been an amazing journey so far. The first run I did was excruciating on the treadmill. It was a mix of running indoors and trying to force/motivate myself to get back into the routine that made it such an awful run. The bright side is though that I found my motivation by going through that run. I ran twice after and each run was more exhilarating than the next.

As always the first couple min were blah but after I found my groove I just got lost in thought and ran. The best thing was that I’m getting faster, on Sunday I ran a 11min average for 5 miles which is such a huge improvement for me seeing as I haven’t been really running seriously.

I went to Re:Make last week, it’s put on by Brit+Co. It’s a summit for creativity. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I signed up. Surprisingly, the summit motivated me to be more creative in all aspects of my life. It encouraged me to want to create outside of the office but most importantly it motivated me to run. It sounds silly to say a creative conference encouraged me to continue on my running journey but one of the main messages from the summit was to “have courage”.

The summit had so much positive energy, and I was so happy that I took time out of my schedule to focus on myself. I find myself repeating to myself “have courage, you can do this” many times throughout the day. I’m a firm believer in positive energy especially when you’re out on the asphalt and it’s just you and that road. The mind starts playing tricks to try to sideline you from your goals. The important thing is to keep that negative energy at bay and not let it seep through your pores.

Step outside of your comfort zone because you can find your courage in the most unlikely events and conversations. Never stop exploring and looking for motivation. Staying motivated is a constant struggle, and just because you’re not in a routine now, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. All you need is a little bit of enCOURAGEment and faith in yourself.

Photo by ‘Letter It‘

Progress Report: I finally started BBG last night. I made it a priority and got it done. Afterwards I felt so accomplished and motivated. *Always* make time for yourself!

Song of the week: The Greatest by Sia

Happy running! -A

Don’t Give Up. I Won’t Give Up.

I’ve had a bit of writer’s block the past couple months, it could also be attributed to the fact that I haven’t really been running. In the past couple months, i’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship to running. I’ve been struggling a lot since my last post about asthma. When I started training for my marathon about a year ago, running became an integral part of my life. It became a part of me, I felt it every where I went, from the sores in my feet to the strength of my muscles. It kept me sane, it really did, and gosh I miss it so much.

San Francisco Marathon -First Half 2016

I haven’t been running that seriously due to my asthma. But around mid July I started to feel better, so I began testing myself here and there. Ran between 3-5 miles every week or so. After successfully being able to run, I decided not to give up my slot in the San Francisco Marathon, plus I really wanted that half it all challenge medal (run the first and second half consecutively in two years)! It went well, it wasn’t a terrible experience, I didn’t improve my time but I didn’t run at a slower pace, so i’m happy that I was able to do it even without having really trained sufficiently beforehand. It was a lot of fun running across the Golden Gate Bridge. The energy from the race is invigorating.

I plan to sign up for the Berkeley Half Marathon on November 20. Training starts in the last week of September, the training plan is 6/7 days a week for 8 weeks. Since my training plans are usually only 4 times a week, i’m trying to mentally and physically prepare myself for training. I started yesterday by running 3 miles, and my body is really sore this morning but I feel like I rekindled my relationship with running. I also plan to start BBG this weekend, really want to beat my time for this half marathon.

Inspire someone: On one of my random runs I was halfway through and debating whether or not to give up, a lovely woman who was running towards me grabbed my attention by waving and smiling at me excitedly. I grinned back, and all of a sudden began to fly. I ran those next 2 miles with a huge smile on my face. I wish I could go back to that woman to thank her and tell her that she was the reason I pushed myself that day.

Running with asthma

It’s been 2 weeks since my last run, on Tuesday, I made a mental note to not skip my run. I finished work, and got right into my work out clothes, and walked out the door. I began to run, and not so very far into my run a very heavy weight came over my chest and lungs. I couldn’t breathe. I kept running, and began doing my breathing exercises, long inhale through my nose, and long exhales from my mouth.

Nothing changed.

The weight on my lungs felt heavier and heavier. I hadn’t even finished a mile, and my mind was racing with thoughts of stopping to turn around. I quickly shook the negative thoughts, and forced myself to keep going.

I ran.

One mile done, my lungs still feeling extremely constricted. “Keep going, Asmaa, you’ll regret it if you stop, just keep going.” Somehow I got to mile 2, feeling a little less constricted but not by much.

I ran.

I was wishing more than anything that I could get away from all the plants. I literally felt overwhelming heat coming from the shrubbery around me, and they seemed to be creeping all over the trail.

I ran.

Finally, I got to my turn around point at 2.5 miles. A small sense of victory in my head, but still going through my breathing exercise. Usually by now, I am not even focusing on breathing, and just getting lost in thought.

I ran.

I finally finished my 4 miles of running, and walked a mile home. Finishing that run was such a relief. As soon as I stopped running, and was able to catch my breath, I started wheezing. I don’t know what was going on that day, but asthma got the better of me. I didn’t stop running so I was feeling accomplished, but terrified for my run on Thursday. I wasn’t sure that my legs would always win the battle with my mind and now seemingly my lungs.

My asthma hasn’t been an issue for a long time. In fact, for a few years, I thought it had completely disappeared. But alas, the weird weather, and pollen levels in the air this spring has been incredibly difficult on my running. Thankfully, my run on Thursday was more merciful on my lungs. I started out a little terrified that i’d feel constriction but as I got into my stride, I knew it was going to be ok.

I suspect maybe my body just forgot how it feels to run since I haven’t run seriously since my marathon, although, I ran a few times here and there, and didn’t have any issues before I started training. Not sure what’s going on 🙂 but praying for smooth training from here on out.

Progress Report: I joined HRC (Hogwarts Running Club) and it’s awesome. Participated in 2 virtual races so far, and looking forward to the next one. Feels good to feed 2 loves at once, running and Harry Potter 😉

Song of the Week: Too Good by Drake feat. Rihanna

Back at it…

It’s been almost 2 months since my marathon. Up until last week, I only ran twice, both being races that I signed up for a long time ago. It was nice to get back into the groove of running but I didn’t really start a dedicated plan until last week. I ran a total of 14 miles over the course of the week. I’m really trying not to skip any training days even when i’m traveling next week.

On Sunday, I signed up for the 1st half of the San Francisco Marathon. Last year I did the 2nd half, so yay i’ll get a challenge medal. I’m training to run sub 2:30. Currently I run 13 miles in about 2:50, so shaving off 20 minutes is a big feat but i’m really confident because i’ve been running faster. But also ever since my marathon, I have a new found feeling of confidence, and am excited to surpass my goals. That being said, i’m training for 2:30, but will be super content if I run 2:40. Although, I must say if this weird humid weather keeps up it will limit me. This weekend, every time I would run, for the first mile or so, i’d breath really heavily. Sunday’s 5 mile run was probably the worse, I couldn’t breathe in the beginning, but was feeling better at mile 3, and then started having trouble breathing again in the last half mile. On top of that, i’ve been waking up wheezing the past couple days, hopefully the humid weather won’t last much longer. The good news is that yesterday’s run proved to be much better.

All the running feels as told by a tv addict

About an hour before my marathon, I was really curious about what was going on in people’s minds. Everyone seemed to be stretching, hydrating, or just trying to stay warm. There I was sitting outside of Dodger’s Stadium at 5:30 in the morning and people watched, and this quote came to mind: “No one knows what they are doing, deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out. And you will too because you’re awesome..” – April Ludgate (Parks & Rec). I thought it’d be pretty funny to describe what it feels like to be a runner through characters in my favorite tv shows.

After you run your first full mile

Deciding to sign up for a race

Michael Scott (The Office)

“I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.” – Dwight Schrute (The Office)

Advice you get

Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)

Ron Swanson (Parks & Rec)

“It’s not gonna be all sunshine and roses. But I can promise it’s gonna be a hell of a ride.” – Chris Hermann (Chicago Fire)

“Just be careful and wear sensible shoes.” – Spencer Hastings (Pretty Little Liars)

“Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.” – Gob Bleuth (Arrested Development)

Finding your confidence

Andy Dwyer (Parks & Rec)

Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

When you tell people that you’ve signed up for a marathon

Emily Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)

Jessica Jones (Jessica Jones)

In the middle of a run

Gob Bleuth (Arrested Development)

Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Michael Scott (The Office)

“Maybe if we concentrate really hard, our combined psychic powers will move it [Finish Line] closer.” – Lorelei Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)

Running your last mile

“I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!” – Tracy Jordan (30 Rock)

Carol (The Walking Dead)

26.2 miles of greatness

I did it! I can’t believe it, I ran my first marathon!

All weekend I just wanted it to be over, but once I was in it, I couldn’t believe I was doing it, and sincerely enjoyed it. There were times where it was really difficult but overall, I was really humbled by the experience. I ran the first 14 miles relatively comfortably which was a really big deal for me. I am really looking forward to running another half marathon because after training for a marathon, I feel like the half will be a little easier to manage, and maybe I can start working on improving my time.

After mile 14, I took my first walking break. It started to get really difficult between mile 14 and 22, so I walked a few times, if I remember correctly, around 4 or 5 times from about a quarter of a mile to half. Running after a walking break was really difficult and I knew that when I took my first break, but I really needed it. Once I start running again for about half a mile, it became easier to continue. Around mile 23, I refused to stop again until I reached the finish line, I have no idea what came over me, but I just ran as fast as I could until I saw that finish line. The determination every time I saw the next mile made me keep going.

One thing that really got me a little off key was that my runkeeper was tracking me at a mile ahead of all the mile markers. So everytime I thought I was done with a certain mileage, I was actually a mile behind. It was really weird but after a while I just ignored my runkeeper and kept moving! 🙂

This whole experience taught me that anything is possible if you believe in yourself. A few years ago, I never would have thought that I would be running a marathon. Honestly, if you have determination and are willing to put in the work, there’s no reason you can’t achieve your dreams.

Mind Over Matter

I think we’ve all heard the phrase mind over matter. I never really indulged in it’s meaning until I fully understood what it meant. Our minds are so intricate, from such a young age, we take in all kinds of experiences around us that shape the person we become. And those thoughts that our mind forms engage in every aspect of our past, present, and future.

I never thought i’d be a fit person. I used to doubt so much about myself, and I can’t even begin to explain how much running brought me so much confidence and happiness. I am generally a positive person, but I didn’t realize how positive until these last few weeks of marathon training.

There comes a time, usually during my interval runs, where i’ll sprint, and I always surprise myself how much I can tolerate it. I pride myself on being a ‘slow but steady’ runner, but I often wonder if it’s stopping me from increasing my speed. My average pace is between 12 and 12.30 minutes per mile, depends on the type of run it is and how fatigued I am. Because that annoying thought kept creeping in my mind, last weekend, I tried to push myself. I ended up running 8 miles with an average pace of 11.15. Which was amazing for me, I clocked in at 22min at mile 2, and wanted to keep the momentum going, so I kept shooting for the same pace. I was really happy when I finished 8mi in 90min. I felt okay, I didn’t feel extremely exhausted. And I couldn’t believe that my pace was increasing. I’ve heard a million times before that once you train for a long run, your short run pace eventually starts to increase.

This past week, I didn’t really run as much as I should have. I got to the gym on Wednesday to try to get a few miles in. I ran about 2 miles but I just couldn’t run anymore on the dreadmill. I ended up walking the rest of my intended run. I was super bummed going home that day. But thinking back, I know it was all about my attitude, I was basically forcing myself to go to the gym to move my bum. And I should have really pushed through and not allowed my brain to think I couldn’t continue. And as much as I felt so refreshed after, I was still disappointed that I didn’t get to actually run 4 miles.

On Sunday, I wasn’t going to allow myself to miss another run. I laced up and left the house with a very real intent to have a great run. With my 8 mi run in the back of my mind, I started my run without pushing myself, and I found myself clocking in the first mile under 11 minutes (which was better than last week). I was really happy because I didn’t even feel like I was pushing myself more than usual. For every mile after that I tried not to slow down and I kept trying to run a little faster or at the same steady pace. Around mile 4, my mind was trying to quit on me, I changed my mindset, and kept my eye on the prize. It was simple as that. I wanted it, so I got it. I ended up running 10 miles in 1 hour 52 min which is awesome for me. A few weeks ago when I ran 10mi, I ran it in 2 hours and 5 minutes. I couldn’t believe how much time I shaved off and I wasn’t even particularly trying. I have to admit after finishing 10 miles, I started wheezing but to be fair for a huge part of the run, I was running against the wind, so I was pushing myself more than I usually would to get through.

My marathon is in less than 2 weeks now, and i’m nervous but fairly confident that I can do it. Last Sunday when I ran 20mi, I was so happy. I couldn’t believe it, especially because instead of dragging my feet the last few miles, I actually was enjoying it and flying by. It was a much better run than my 18mi run, and I was glad that it was because even though it did get difficult and I had to walk sporadically around mile 12-15, it made me really positive that I can run 26 miles. It’s going to be tough, I know that, but since it will be a route i’ve never run before, along with the energy of running with people, I am confident that it’ll be really great. For the past couple weeks, I have been training my mind to think positively about my marathon, and I hope it’ll pay off in the end. 🙂

Determined to succeed

On Sunday, I ran 18miles. My stomach was in knots and I was feeling really uneasy the whole time. From the moment I stepped out of my front door, something didn’t feel right. I don’t know what was going on, needless to say it was a really difficult run. At times, I was forcing myself to keep going, and other times, where I was flying high without a thought of pain in my mind. Quitting wasn’t an option but I almost allowed it to happen a few times. Generally, while running a distance i’ve never done before, in the last mile or less, I am beaming because of my accomplishment, but this time around I just wanted it to end. It didn’t even hit me until hours after that I just accomplished a new milestone!

I think part of the issue was that I had to run 8 miles the day before, and even though I always run the day before a long run, it was never so much mileage in one weekend. In total, I ran 26 miles this weekend. But if i’m counting my runs from the whole week, I ran close to 45 miles, which is not a normal weekly occurrence for me.

Although Sunday’s run was very difficult, it helped me visualize the marathon a little more clearly. My 16mi run a few weeks ago, was kind of deceiving cuz I felt exhilarated the whole run, and it definitely helped me feel confident and ready for my marathon. But having an off day running 18mi, gave me a more realistic feel of what the marathon could look/feel like if i’m not better prepared. I learned something about myself this weekend, when I almost threw in the towel so many times, I didn’t and wouldn’t allow myself to. I’m really proud of myself for that. Overcoming that mental challenge of wanting to quit was such a huge win for me. Because now I know that no matter how tough a situation is, I can always overcome it with patience and determination.

In a couple weeks, i’ll be running 20 miles, as my last long run before the race. (As I typed those words down, my stomach did a flip.) I know it’ll be another new milestone, but overcoming the hurdle of running 18miles, has given me a new perspective, and come race day, i’ll be prepared to cross that finish line confidently, God Willing.